Tuesday, 12 October 2010

• Assaulted by Romance

  I'd just like to take a moment and pat all of the backs of those who survive(d) young adulthood... ALONE.
  Amidst all of the blossoming romance and the weddings and engagement pics and talks of new houses and sex lives and babies. You deserve an award: Survivor of Romantic Assault... Brave Heart of Solitude... Sucessfully Single... Owner of one bank account, one life, one car, one house, one loan. And it's ALL up to YOU to make it. There's no one to lean on. There's no one to hug and hold and laugh with at the end of every day. No one to prove to you (or at least, to help prove) that you're safe, loved, and cared for. There's no one to call every lunch hour and break. There's no one to text and no one to look forward to seeing. It's just you and your own two feet and your own strength getting you through it. There's no "together" about it. And lonely and sick and discouraged as you may feel, you're amazing.
  Dear Married & Attached Friends: I love you. I love you with my whole heart. You know this... But (and excuse me for getting a little *bitch* for a moment...) knock it off.... 1. Stop acting like being the third or fifth wheel is the same because it's a whole different world for us. If you even noticed for five minutes to just look around and put yourself in the Wheel's shoes., maybe then you'd stop acting like we single folks are being babies when we whine about being put in this constantly awkward and annoying situation, not to mention a constant nagging reminder of how alone and unwanted we are. 2. Stop wishing and praying out of pity that we'd "finally" meet someone. We're happy being single and strong and perfectly patient waiting for the right person to come along. And keep in mind, for some of us, marriage isn't at the top of our to-do lists, especially before the age of 25. We don't want to "join you." We just want our friends back and to be treated the same as we used to be. We're not sad because we're single. We're just sad we're the lonely minority. There's a difference. 3. We understand you have a new best friend and love, but is it really a potential fatality to sever from your beau for five minutes for a heart-to-heart or two with someone you used to consider just as irreplaceable? News flash: if you can't be apart for more than a day without feeling like you're dying, there is something seriously and majorly wrong. And I'm not making it up... 4. When we get sick of the engagement announcements and you tell us "you know how we feel"... shut up. No. You don't. I don't care if you're sick of it too. The point is: you're not experiencing it single. 5. Stop treating us like we're silly or stupid for feeling the way we do because it's hurtful and mean. You try it...
  And frankly, because I love you so much, I hope that because you're happy, you never do have to try it.
  But maybe try a little empathy instead. (For those who don't know what that is, it means understanding what it's like to be someone else but YOU.)
  Pretend for a moment that you didn't have who you did.
  And everyone your age around you is now married or close-to-it.
  You'd get a little agitated too.

  (Disclaimer: This is not necessarily directed at any one friend. This is a speech to anyone to whom it may apply. Some of you are better at this than others, so please don't run away thinking I'm "mad" at you. This is venting. It's what I feel. So I'm feeling it. Period.)

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